VISUAL AID

The Man’s Guide to the Female Dictionary
When a Woman says this, she really means…

1. Fine: This is a word women use to end an argument when they are right and you need to shut up!
2. Five Minutes: This means a half an hour if she is getting dressed. However, it really means only 5 minutes if this is the amount of time you can watch TV before helping out around the house.
3. Nothing: This is the calm before the storm. This means something! You should be on your toes! Arguments that begin with “nothing” usually end in “fine.”
4. Go Ahead: This is a dare; not permission. Don’t do it!
5. Loud Sigh: This non-verbal statement is actually a word which is often misunderstood by Men. A loud sigh means she thinks you are an idiot! She wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and arguing with you about “nothing.” (Refer back to # 3 in case you forgot the meaning of “nothing.”)
6. That’s OK: This is one of the most dangerous statements a woman can make to a man. That’s OK means she wants to think long and hard before deciding how and when you will pay for your mistake.
7. Thanks: A woman is really actually thanking you. Do not faint or question this. Just reply, “You’re welcome.” Just be careful to differentiate this from a similar phrase, “Thanks a lot.” Thanks a lot is pure sarcasm. She is not thanking you at all. What ever you say, be certain not to say, “You’re welcome.” This will lead to a “Whatever.”
8. Whatever: Whatever is a woman’s way of saying F--- You! They’re just to polity to say even FU out loud.
9. Don’t worry about it; I got it: Another dangerous statement, meaning this is in reality something that a woman has told the man to do in fact several times in the past, but is now deciding to do it herself! This will later result in the man asking what’s wrong. The Woman’s response is nothing. (Refer back to # 3 in case you forgot the meaning of “nothing.”)