Relative Temperatures

When the temperature is in the 60s:
• Floridians turn the heat on.
• While people in New England plant gardens.

When the temperature is in the 50s:
• Californians shiver uncontrollably.
• While people in New England sunbathe.

When the temperature is in the 40s:
• Italian and English cars won't start.
• While people in New England drive with the windows down.

When the temperature is in the 30s:
• Distilled water freezes.
• Moosehead Lake's water gets thicker.

When the temperature is in the 20s:
• Floridians don coats, thermal underwear, gloves and hats.
• While people in New England throw on a flannel shirt.

When the temperature is in the 10s:
• New York landlords finally turn on the heat.
• While people in New England have the last cookout before it turns cold.

When the temperature falls near zero:
• People in Miami die — or return to Cuba.
• While New Englanders close the windows.

When the temperature falls to 10 below zero:
• Californians go to Mexico.
• While people in New England get out their Winter coats.

When the temperature falls to 20 below zero:
• Hollywood disintegrates.
• While Girl Scouts in New England are selling cookies door to door.

When the temperature falls to 30 below zero:
• Washington, DC runs out of hot air.
• While people in New England let the dogs sleep inside.

When the temperature falls to 40 below zero:
• Santa Claus abandons the North Pole.
• While people in New England get frustrated because "the caah won't staaht."

When the temperature falls to minus 273 below zero (absolute 0 Kelvin scale):
• All atomic motion stops.
• While people in New England start saying, "cold 'nuff for ya?"

When the temperature falls colder than minus 273 below zero (technically impossible):
• Hell freezes over.
• The Red Sox win the World Series.