Top Ten Indicators That Your Employer Has Changed to a Cheaper HMO

Your annual breast exam is done at Hooters.
Directions to your doctors office include "take a left when you enter the trailer park."
The tongue depressors taste faintly of Fudgesicles.
The only proctologist on the panel is "Gus" from Roto-Rooter.
The only item listed under preventive care is "an apple a day."
Your primary care physician is wearing pants that look suspiciously like the ones you gave to Goodwill last month.
The item in their brochure "The patient is responsible for 200% of out of network charges" is not a typographical error.
The only expense that is covered 100% without pre-authorization is "embalming."
The Prozac pills you got at your last HMO didn't come in different colors with little "Ms" printed on them.
You ask for Viagra, and they give you a Popsicle stick along with some duct tape.